Student Quotes, 2013-2014 (Part 1)

Nick: “Wal-Mart has a really good Swag collection.”

“Anufe” = Enough, courtesy of R.J.

From the Foods teacher:
Yesterday, I took my Orientation kids around the building to look for values that Olympia is teaching students. When we come back to class, I ask them to write a few sentences about it, which I’m reading today. I run across one from Joe that states, “Olympia is doing ok. They have good edgacation. They are doing a great job on teaching values.” Oh, really. There isn’t even a g sound in education!

Anthony: “I saw this thing once where, if you throw a bowler hat just right, you can cut the head off a statue.”

From the Spanish teacher:
I just overhead this in my Spanish 1 class. She said this with a straight face and I don’t think she was joking: “If you’re legally a midget you are allowed to have a monkey. It’s so that if you need to get something from a cabinet, the monkey can get it for you.”

From the German teacher:
We are working on conjugating verbs. One student needed to turn in an assignment, but asked which verbs: “Are these the only words I need to conjure?”

Charles: “What’s a wallflower?”
Ralph: “Isn’t that one of the ships that first came over to America?”

Me: “Any guesses as to where this book takes place?”
Duncan: “They said it’s in Pennsylvania.”
Me: “Right, but what town?”
Harold: “Milwaukee?”
Me: “That’s not in Pennsylvania.”
Harold, smiling, as though I’m joking with him, suddenly realizes I’m not, then turns stoic: “It’s not?”

David, explaining the difference between the defense and the prosecution on a test: “Prosecution is trying to put the person behind bars. Defense is trying to keep the person out of bars.”

From Walt’s test essay question about fixing problems with vocalization: “One problem could be how sober the speaker is. We have ALL heard how a drunk talks; incoherent, uncoordinated, illegible, and mostly speaks in short rambles. Therefore, an intoxicated speaker is a thing most speakers should avoid.”

Clyde, in a special occasion speech: “He was all over that like a lion on a cantaloupe… I mean, antelope.”

Mr. Guenther, my student teacher: “We only have fifteen laptops available to us today. I understand that there are more than fifteen people in this class…”
Anthony, whispering: “Thunderdome…”

Walt just misread “Hephaestus,” the Greek god of metal-working, as “Hepatitis.”

Erica: “I had an intervention today.”
Me: “For what?”
Erica: “I like ugly boys.”
Me, laughing: “That’s not worth an intervention, is it?”
Erica: “I just… I like an underdog.”
Me: “Ugly guys need someone to love them, too, I guess.”
Erica: “That’s the thing—I don’t think they’re ugly. I really think they’re attractive.”
Me, laughing again: “Then maybe it really was time for an intervention.”

Tevin: “Six hours of sleep is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Tom: “I dressed up today, Brigs. See, I’ve got a new shirt. It’s not even washed. You can tell.”

From Ben’s resume, applying for the job of a K-9 Cop:

“Skills & Accomplishments:
• I have experience in training dogs
• I can make a dog sit
• I can make a dog stay
• I can make a dog jump
• I can make the dog walk where I want to go instead of the dog pulling
• I have experience in feeding a dog.”

Phillip, writing a compare/contrast essay for “The Odyssey” and “O Brother Where Art Thou”: “The book took place near the 8th Century B.C., and the movie took place in the 1980’s—very different time zones.”

One of Amy’s 4th graders used a heretofore unheard of bit of human anatomy in a short narrative essay; ladies and gentlemen, allow Georges to introduce you to the “earbrain.”

Anne just accidentally referred to the Valley of Ashes as the “Valley of Asses.”

Andrew: “I’m doing awesome with these words, Mr. Guenther. I should be a… what’s it called… a translator.”
(I laugh).
Andrew: “What’s so funny?”
Me: “I just had this vision of a translator who’s always saying, ‘What’s it called?’ for everything. I’m sure you’d do a bang-up job, though.”

Charles, trying to get out of doing 40 pushups because he cursed in class: “Can’t I just do 30 of them?”
Me: “No you may not. If you only do 75% of your punishment, how are you supposed to learn from it?”
Charles: “Well, can’t I just do something else for the other 15%?”

Brandon: “Rein Burst” = “Reimbursed”

Hansel: “Have you ever wanted to visit Vatican City?”
Me: “Not necessarily, but I would definitely go. I mean, it’s in Italy.”
Hanse;: “I thought it was in Rome?”

From Denise’s literacy narrative: “On every Friday, my grandma would pick me up after school. She would have a baggie of ice and pickles, and of course books.”

Some gold from Walt’s rambling literacy narrative:

“I mean, why read when I can do something else, like tinkering with stoves and clocks, or working outside and enjoying hypothermia (I am joking, hypothermia isn’t enjoyable in my opinion, but then again, you should always keep a positive mind about the negatives, who knows, some people may be attracted to jerky-skinned people).”

“Now. Back to how illiterate I am. I am not illiterate.”

“Not to say that I understand the grandeuristincisity (yes, grandeur-is-tin-cisity. I make words more interesting; therefore, more better).”

And here’s the grand finale:

“However, we shouldn’t let things stay on the alright or okay side of life. Break the walls down and find rapture within your lexicological journey, have a nice day!

“Or don’t, I really don’t care. Do what you want.”

From the German teacher:

Test Question: “What type of alcoholic beverage is common at all German Christmas markets?”
Student Answer: “Molded wine”

From the Foods teacher:

So, we’ve obviously been cooking fish all day and I’ve been running around like a crazy person. Jeff is talking nonstop about who knows what, and mentions something about a frog. I’m clearly only half listening, and I say, “Oh, did you eat the legs? Those are good.” He looks at me, heartbroken, and says, “No. He was my pet. He was awesome and now he’s dead.”

From the Art teacher:

Ryan gets very excited all of a sudden when the topic of Florida came up in a conversation: “Hey, I was eaten by a shark when I was in Florida last year…..”
-awkward silence-
Ryan: “Wait, no, it was a big fish, but it bit me….”
-more awkward silence-
Ryan: “Well ya know a fish, it like, nibbled at my foot.”
Rachel: “Yeah fish will do that. Glad you’re still alive.”

Followed up by the Driver’s Ed teacher:

God bless Rachel! She and Ryan had some sweet interaction in advisory yesterday, as well.
Rachel: “You just cussed.”
Ryan: “I don’t give a sh**.”
Rachel: “You are an intellectual buffoon.”

(Part 2 coming soon!)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s