No intro necessary here. The following are some more student quotes, with the names changed to protect the innocent. If you missed Part 1, you can catch that here. Enjoy!
A question posed to Harriet and Matthew this morning by Andrea, “Did you know, when she was my age, my mom was a tramp?”
From the Driver’s Ed teacher:
Today in the Driver Ed car with Pam, the song “Hey Ya” by Outkast came on.
Pam: “Did he just sing ‘Shake it like a qualified stripper?’”
Mr. H.: “Uhh, Polaroid picture.”
From Mrs. C, middle school Spanish teacher:
This conversation between Caleb and Kevin just took place in my 8th grade class:
Caleb: The Bears suck!
Kevin: What? No they don’t. They are awesome.
Caleb: Well, they are better than the Foreskins!
Several students in the class: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? The Foreskins?
Caleb: You know, the Redskins.
Kevin: Who calls them the Foreskins?
Caleb: My aunt Mary does.
Kevin: Da Bears.
And then more from Caleb: “Mrs. C., have you ever broken a bone before? I have and it sucks. I actually broke both arms playing flag football last year. I was shoved to the ground. Do you know how hard it is to go to the bathroom? And to have someone wipe you? It sucks.”
On the English 4 Life final exam I asked, “What explanation might there be for how odd Charlie is socially in ‘The Perks of Being A Wallflower?’” Josh answered: “Because he has ass burgers.”
Alicia: “Like, how graphic can we be with these stories?”
Me: “I don’t want to limit the way you write. Let’s just see how it goes, and if something hits me as inappropriate, I’ll let you know.”
Alicia: “Okay, because I wrote a story last semester about a man feeding his dog to his neighbor, and it kind of freaked my teacher out.”
Me: “I see.”
Alicia: “Yeah, I want to write horror movies. Or be an anesthesiologist.”
Me, taking attendance the first day of the new semester: “David Smith?”
David: “It’s actually pronounced ‘Greg.’ The ‘g’ is silent.”
The kids: “Huh?”
Me: “David is being funny, guys.”
David: “No, David is being hilarious.”
Will, writing a sample sentence for the vocab word, “venerate”: “The venerated sportsman was ignowledge for all he had done for the group.”
Charles: “I’ve just got this protein shake for lunch.”
Charles: “Well, that plus the lunch I get from lunch.”
Evan, being witty in an assignment: “Every sixty seconds, a minute goes by in Australia.”
The nurse’s office just called Kari back down, even though she returned from there literally seconds ago.
Me: “What did you leave down in the nurse’s office?”
Kari, exasperated: “My dignity.”
From art teacher Mrs. T.:
Student: “Can I draw the Eiffel tower to show that I’m afraid of heights?”
(Student draws the St. Louis Arch.)
Me: “Now, you know that’s the Arch in St. Louis, not the Eiffel tower.”
Student (absolutely serious): “It is?”
From Mack’s test essay about common vocalization problems: “Nasality is when someone sounds like a dying walrus.”
Then, later: “Harshness is when someone’s voice is very harsh or mean sounding. For example, you are reading ‘Return of the Princess Unicorn Rainbow,’ and when you are supposed to sound peaceful, you sound evil.”
Me, to Meghan: “You know, the word gullible isn’t in the dictionary.”
Meghan: “It’s not?”
(All the kids kind of start snickering, because Meghan is known for airheadedness)
Meghan, sensing the joke is on her, but not sure exactly why: “Of course it’s not, because that’s not even a real word.”
Me, stone-faced: “Right, exactly.”
(Meghan laughs it off and returns to her work. Crisis averted).
Meghan: “I wore Pull-Ups until I was seven or eight. All my friends used to make fun of me. I wasn’t popular at sleepovers.”
Meghan: “Wait… chemotherapy is chemicals? How does that work? Do they like, put you in a box of chemicals? I thought it was a surgery.”
Taylor: “He’s very compassionate about the game.”
Some creative spelling from Gina’s test: “Transitions are the words at the beging of a new phargh.”
On a vocab quiz, students had to define terms in their own words. For “rhetoric,” Gina answered, cryptically, “phroghtae.” I can’t even begin to guess what she meant by that.
Nicholas, giving a process speech on how to make a walking staff: “After it’s carved, you want to coat it with laxative.”
John, doing his process speech on making a smoothie: “This is a banana. It looks like crap, but it’s going to be very healthy.”
The kids were unscrambling anagrams of major American cities, and one of them was “LARDOON.” Cal asked for a clue, so I told him it was in Florida. When a neighboring student finally told him it was “ORLANDO,” Cal responded with, “See, I didn’t even know that was in Florida.”
Sarah: “Stop self-criticizing yourself.”
From Devon’s autobiographical alphabet:
“F is for fire because it’s my favorite element. I relate to it best because it burns with a passion of existence and meditation.”
Deep, right? Then, the very next letter:
“G is for grape. My favorite artificial flavoring. I love Crush soda.”
Considerably less deep.
Martin, talking about an ex-girlfriend: “She wanted me to love her as much as I love my mom and dog, and that just obviously wasn’t going to happen.”
Zach’s sentence for the vocab word “charlatan”: “The charlatan Bill Cosby ran by me at the Wal-mart screaming. I knew he was a phony because Bill Cosby is dead.”
Jenny’s sentence for “iconoclast”: “Li’l Wayne was an iconoclast who sagged his pants at the baptism.”
Meghan: “Is willn’t a contraction?
Olga: “It’s won’t, Meghan.”
Lindsey, doing an informational speech on hip-hop artist Drake: “He’s also Canadian. Yeah, I know. It happens.”
Joanne: “Men have a cycle, too. Every time they’re crabby, it’s because it’s their time of the month.”
Meghan: “Really? So can they have babies at any time, or do they have to wait like girls do?”
Joanne: “They can make a baby whenever they want, Meghan. But their hormones do spike at a certain time of the month. It’s all that testosterone or whatever.”
Meghan: “Is Santa Claus figurative?”
Terry just used someone named “Hamburger” as a source is his informative speech about Halo 4. We found out later that “Hamburger” was a handle for someone on a gaming message board. Clearly credible.
From Annie’s special occasion speech about an award for saving sea turtles: “This award started when Abraham Lincoln saved the first sea turtle ever. He was vacationing in the tropics when a sea turtle was coughing and throwing up.”
And that’s it for Part 2! Hang in there for Part 3, which is coming soon!