Student Quotes, 2011-2012 (Part 3)

From Kirbs, the foods teacher:

Odd conversation with Nikki…

Nikki: “Good news! My dog is feeling better.”
Me: “Oh good.”
Nikki: “But, my kitty has herpes and tonsillitis. And they both can easily be passed to humans.”

Some gems from Donna’s autobiographical alphabet assignment in Creative Writing:

G is for Ghost: “When I was eight, I lived in this trailer on a hill. In the room in the very back of the trailer, the room with the ghost, my sister would sit and play with her toys before a big mirror. If you were lucky and very quiet, you could sneak up to the door and hear her little voice talking to herself. At first we thought he was an imaginary friend, and then she said his name. The same name of the little old man who died in that room before the previous owner bought the place.”

I is for Insane Clown Posse: “They are considered horror-core music artist are one of my favorite bands. I wear my hatchetman bracelet proud to be a part of their family of friends. They call us Juggalos and Juggalettes. Some people call us a gang. We’re not a gang.”

R is for Random: “I once screamed, ‘I don’t wanna get naked with the bears and stop trying to stick that in me,’ while in the middle of a discussion about cancer with my friend Katie.”

Andy: “I call my step-mom Hitler sometimes. Like, she’ll ask me to do the dishes, and I’ll be like, ‘Whatever. Hi, Hitler.’” (I think he meant to say “Heil”…)

From Nick’s Transcendentalism test: “Ralph Waldo Emerson was a character created by Henry David Thoreau.”

From Daniel’s Gothicism test: “Dr. Heidegger’s experiment was to give people the special water to see if they will still have the same nolage when they turn young again.”
(Part of being old, apparently, is knowing how to spell “knowledge.”)

From Karen’s Gothicism test: “Grierson diluted herself into thinking she had a bond with her dead husband.”

From Hewitt: “Okay, we’re going to head-on park into that open spot just before the station wagon.”
Janine: “What’s a station wagon?”

Me, to my second block English 2 class: “Remind me, what year were the slaves freed?”
Wesley, immediately: “18… no… 1937.”
Me, laughing at him because he just meant that incorrect answer so much: “No, Wes. Not 1937.”
Wesley: “Well, it was in the 1900’s though, wadn’t it?”
Me: “1937 is just a few years away from World War II, bud. No, it’s not 1937. Anybody else want to venture a guess?”

Wesley, discussion alternate ways to conceive a child: “Couldn’t they just use infertile semination?”

Kids are doing some practice on lay vs. lie, and this is what I overhear:

Phil: “Hey Jaymie, what’d you get for #4?”
Janine: “I got ‘laid.’”

Larry: “Wasn’t Abraham Lincoln the first president…”
Wesley: “Nope, he was 16th.”
Larry: “Let me finish, Wes, geez. The first president to be photographed?”
Wesley: “No, because I know I’ve seen a picture of George Washington before.”
Hailey: “Those are paintings.”
Wesley: “Are they?”

Clark: “Is ‘jew’ a pronoun?”
Me: “No it is not.”

Me, after spelling out a creative writing assignment for my seniors: “…And that’s it. Does anybody have any questions?”
Daryl, being funny: “Where do babies come from?”
Me: “Well, when a man loves a woman… he calls the stork.”
Brandon: “Yes, but where do stork babies come from?”
Me: “Sex. Two storks have sex.”

From one of Charlie’s short stories: “It was a bright sunny day on the playground. Every kid ran around as if their pants were on fire. Recess was the pentacle of my day.”

From Donna’s Life Soundtrack assignment:

“I gave my older brother the nickname Skitz the Psychopathic Scarecrow.”

“When I’m sad, I like to think of dead bodies climbing out of the ground, looking around, and then breaking out into a dance.”

“Boondox may be a country-styled wicked clown rapper, but he knows how to make a song remind you of the loved ones who have passed.”

From a Melvin short story entitled, “Black or White”:

“Was it going to come out black or what was the real question. Her being a white female and her husband being a white male would make for a nice little white kid. However, If there was an incident, that would make her have a black baby, it could be kind of a strain on her relationship with Phil.

“She tries to rationalize it in her brain, thinking about how she has had sex with Phil two times that week and once with the black man, so she has double the chance it will come out white. Or so she tells herself.”

From Hewitt:

Liz brings Kep and I milkshakes 5th block. Anthony says, “Whats in that? It looks good.” I reply, “Ice cream, it’s a milkshake.” He then says, “Milkshakes don’t have ice cream in them, that must be something else.” I counter with a question, “Anthony, who makes your milkshakes for you?” He says, “You know restaurants and such, they’re just too smooth to have ice cream in them.” Instead of telling him about the new appliance referred to as a blender, I merely smile, nod my head and think of the people I will email this conversation to.

From Brandon’s Creative Writing test:

Question: “What are three things a writer can do to create suspense in his or her story?”
Brandon’s Answer: “Withhold information, give things a sense of ambiguity, and write, ‘Or was it?’ a lot.”

From Heyward’s English journal:

“My plan is ready for effect. I may just be paranoid, but if I’m in the right, I am going to have fun. I think the zombie virus is a mutation of the immune system. With all the sicknesses at Olympia, a mutation would have time to evolve. Thus, the girl who bit my friends may not be the originator, but her immune system let the virus in, making her the first of the zombies. The invasion is coming. It’s only a matter of time.”

I asked my creative students to practice writing leads by using famous movies as inspiration. Here’s James’s for “Titanic”: “As the sun rises it is a new day for the special people on the most biggest and funnest ship in the world.”

My “The Great Gatsby” study guide question: “What indications are there that the green light will have a powerful emotional significance to Gatsby”?
Russell’s answer: “It’s a time machine.”

Andy: “Brigs, what’s that dance called where everybody’s on rollerblades and you just all grab on to each other?”
Me: “I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.”

Mandy: “I’m not good at writing scripts. I mean, I’ve never written one before, but I’m assuming I will be.”

Brian: “Mr. Brigham, did people in the 1830’s have heart attacks?”

In a five-minute span, Wesley just used the word “agilitable” and multiplied 30 and 300 to get 30,000.

Wesley, after getting berated by the kids for not being able to say “parabola” right: “Leave me alone, it’s just because of my slow head.”
Me, teasing Wes as I always do: “Yes, your head is certainly slow.”
Wesley, slightly overweight, who’s been asking me to race him all year: “But my feet aren’t.”
Me: “But your metabolism is.”

Carlos: “Mr. Brigham, have I told you lately that I loved you? I mean, like, in a plutonic way?”
Me: “I think you mean platonic. Plutonic means ‘of Pluto.’”
Carlos: “Well, then I love you on Pluto.”
Me: “That’ll work.”

Sam totally unprovoked: “You shouldn’t go to Wal-Mart.”
Becky Meissner, the German teacher: “Because… they have unethical business practices?”
Sam, totally serious: “Because if there’s ever a zombie apocalypse, that would definitely be a hotspot.”

An email from another teacher (only at Olympia): “I recently got a side of beef and ended up with the heart & tongue. Would it be appropriate to send an all school email and see if someone would take it off my hands?”

—-

That’s it for this year’s student quote.  More in about twelve months!  Thanks for reading!

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