Student Quotes, 2011-2012 (Part 2)

More student quotes.  I’ll have Part 3 (the last installment) up soon:

Charlie, the main character in the book “The Perks of Being A Wallflower,” is reading Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead.” Charlie likes the book, but I told my students that it’s kind of long and boring. Later, privately, Joey Nolan and I have the following conversation about the book:

Tony: “So you think that book, ‘Fountainhead’ or whatever, is pretty boring.”
Me: “Yeah, It’s not my favorite.”
Tony: “So like, there’s no vampires or lichens or anything like that in it?”
Me, laughing: “No. No vampires in Ayn Rand.”

Me, to my English 2 class in general: “You guys really have not taken good care of these text books this year. And that sucks, because these things are like $50 a pop to replace.”
John: “Well, that’s not that much.”
Me: “But when you have to buy 100 of them, it starts adding up.”
Jay: “Yeah, that’s like, $500.”

Then, not five minute later…

Me: “I had to write a 50-page paper for my senior seminar course in college.”
Edward: “That would suck to grade.”
Me: “Yeah, but that’s why there’s only 12 students in the class.”
Jay: “That’s still like 6,000 pages.”

Tony tried convincing me today that his brother read “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” when it came out in one hour.

Me: “No, he didn’t.”
Tony: “Well, maybe two hours then. Or maybe it was in one day.”
Me: “Yeah, there were a lot of people who read it in one day. That I believe.”
Tony: “Yeah, he reads like twelve books a day.”
Me, exasperated: “Really?”
Tony: “Yup, everyday. He just gets up at like 4:00 and goes to the library and then reads all day. He’s ready every book in the Minier Library. They have to order more for him.”
Me, rolling my eyes: “That’s unbelievable.”
Tony: “I know, right?”

Rich was asked to write a sentence using the idiom “fight tooth and nail.” This is what he came up with: “The Bears and Broncos were fighting tooth and nail until Tebow used God to win.”

Me: “What, who is Andy dating now?”
Andy: “Melissa Smith.”
Teri: “Does Melissa know?”

Ron just took his peer editing with him to the bathroom to work on while he goes #2. This is not a quote, but it is hilarious.

Sally: “I had a crazy dream last night, Mr. Brigham. It was a Star Wars dream where everybody was coming at me with light sabers, except they were [toilet] sabers.”
Me: “Toilet sabers?”
Sally, really annoyed: “No, toy light sabers. Geez, Mr. Brigham.”

Jared: “I want to be an Aztec. I want to sacrifice human beings and worship the glowing ball in the sky.”
Me: “Why?”
Jared: “Because everything is too complicated. I don’t want a cell phone. I don’t want a Facebook. I want the leader of our country to be the guy who kills the most people.”

The kids, getting upset with Jared because he’s shooting down everybody’s ideas about how to make a fortune in the world: “Okay Jared, how would you make a million dollars.”
Jared, without hesitation and absolutely serious: “I would sell drugs.”

Later: “Drugs are addicting and tax-free. It just makes sense to sell them. I mean, they’re addictive and they hurt people, but you know what I’m saying.”

From Jill Uhlman: “Matthew has informed me that he is building a life size wooden puppet for his trip to Comicon this summer. He also said he is going to wear it to his Explorers conference that he will also be attending this summer. I asked how he was going to build it and he said wood, string, and luck… he has some plans drawn up.”

From a worksheet about reading William Bradford’s “On Plymouth Plantation” as a primary source for information on the first Thanksgiving:

My question: As described by Bradford, what foods were included in the real first Thanksgiving?
Mack’s answer: “Fish, turkey, Indian corn.”
My next question: What traditional Thanksgiving foods are missing?
Mack: “Fish.”

Jessica, answering a question about Columbus’s diary after landing in America for the first time: “The people of the land, the Natives, will be used ass servants, thus making Columbus an undeniable success.”

From Hewitt: “Kelsey, I really like your sweater with the cat sewed onto the front of it.”
Kelsey: “It’s from Korea. It’s not even made in America.”

From Kirby:

My kids had to fill out some questions yesterday about why they eat what they eat. One of the questions is an open-ended one and only states, “Nutrition is…” and they fill in whatever it means to them. Elise, who I assume is not joking, answers with “Pickles.”

Uh, what?

Brendan using the vocabulary word “nostalgic” in a sentence: “I’m nostalgic about playing with my dead dog.”

From Cahill: Many students in my Spanish class did not realize we didn’t have school on Monday (Martin Luther King Day) and many didn’t know why. One student knew why…

Michelle: “I know why! It’s JFK Day.”
Cahill: “You got the last initial right.”

Marty: “Wouldn’t it be cool if lasers could, like, cut through stuff?”

Chad: “Mr. Brigham, is ‘fajita’ a Spanish word?”
Me: “Yes it is.”
Chad, to Patrick, with whom he’d previously been having an argument about this very topic: “See, Patrick. I told you. How do you not know this? You’re in Spanish class.”
Patrick, totally serious: “Sorry. We haven’t learned the word for that yet.”
Chad: “I’m pretty sure the Spanish word for ‘fajita’ is ‘fajita,’ Justin.”

Darlene, answering some questions about the vocabulary word “accolade”:

List a few accolades you would like to earn or win.
Darlene: “One for a great written book and for helping with the orphans.”

Write a sentence using the word accolade.
Darlene: “I received many accolades for my well-written horror book, “Evil in the Cradle.”

A Matthew gem from Jill Uhlman: Today as students were getting ready to do their silent reading I invited them to get “comfortable”. Matthew said, “It’s for times like these that I always carry a pillow with me.” He proceeded to pull out a pillow, lay on the floor and read. Always prepared for the unexpected.

Then, a dynamite drop-in from art teacher Mike Morris: He had previously brought this pillow out in my class and began to explain that other students find it strange that he carries a pillow around, to which he would reply, “Have you ever thought that I think you’re strange for not carrying a pillow around?” What a way to look at the world.

Hewitt: Today on lunch duty I told seven freshmen/sophomores “The nurse’s office is not a lounge, get out. You’re not sick. You want to know how to get sick? Hang out in here.”

From one of Jill Uhlman’s sophomores writing a persuasive essay:
This students chose the topic: Taking soldiers out of Iraq
His audience was President Obama
This is the closure to his paper: “If you don’t understand why all of this is not a good thing. Then
you need to go to the doctor’s and get some since knocked into you.”
I did not alter this text at all.

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